im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize