Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
