i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
