ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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