He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
