It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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