She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
