You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
