our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
