I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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