i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
