do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
