i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
