And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
