It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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