Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
