I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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