Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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