Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
