If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
