I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
