I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
