Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
