Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
