yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
