Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
