We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize