i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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