We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
