my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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