who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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