My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
