$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
