Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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