I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
