you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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