I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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