I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
