We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Panties = found
Randomize
