she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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