worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
