she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
