Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
