Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
