You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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