I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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