I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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