i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
