from now on my penis is your penis
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
