We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
