We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
