I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
