Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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