The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize