Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
