his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
