So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
