making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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